We had a scare with E2 last week. In the car, he lost consciousness, stopped breathing and turned blue, slumped over in his carseat not responding to us. It was awful, the worst thoughts racing through my head as I saw him limp in J's arms. We had completely forgotten we were health professionals and were purely a mummy and a daddy who were panicking about their son who looked like he was going to die. Thankfully, in God's grace and kindness, E started breathing again after a couple of minutes and opening his eyes slowly in response to us. By the time we were in the ambulance he was crying. A beautiful sound!
Leading up to the event, I'd been reflecting on giving up all for Jesus especially my children and husband. I had talked to God about putting Him first above all and wondered aloud with Him about whether I would be ok if He took my kids or J away. I prayed that God would help me to trust Him and put Him first.
When I saw E2 in J's arms, thinking the worst, I asked God "Is this it, Lord? Is it happening now?" And a strange peace came over me in amidst all of that panicking. In those few seconds of peace, I knew that I trusted God's sovereignty and His love for me. Sometimes, I doubt that I really trust God. I doubt that I would still keep loving Him if I hit rock bottom. And as much as it would hurt and devastate me, I feel more sure now that if it ever happened I would cling to my Father.
Of course, it was still a scary, awful time. I couldn't stop crying even after he came to and we had an uneventful night staying over in the hospital. Every time I thought about it, I cried. And I still get a bit teary now. But now my tears are half not wanting to lose my child and half being very thankful for God's goodness. He was in charge that day.
It wasn't a coincidence that we were near the hospital so the ambulance didn't take too long to get to us. It wasn't a coincidence that it was J's day off and was with me. It wasn't a coincidence that J heard him make a funny noise so he turned around to look at him in the car at that precise moment so that he wasn't unconscious for longer. I know God was with us that day.
Nowadays, we're paranoid about everything so in the car we're always looking around at the kids to make sure they're ok. But we can't watch them 24hrs a day, we just can't! So the only alternative and way better than us watching them 24hrs a day is to entrust them to God. FULLY entrust them to Him. And have confidence in God's care and love for them, knowing that whatever happens is God's will.
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